Guest Blogger, Chip Calwell, Licensed Family Therapist
I’m often approached with questions about teenage children. What does “normal” look like? What does healthy typical emotional growth look like and when should I be concerned? Adolescence is a rapid period of growth in the final chapter of emancipation from parents to peers and eventually to the great world. Thus, pulling away from family and toward peer relationships is normal, however there are warning signs to consider if you are concerned about your child. So what might this look like?
Typical adolescent behavior usually involves:
- Inclusion in the peer subculture becomes paramount concern. Loss of interest in family matters, meals, gathers etc.
- Secrecy and allegiance to friends and the subculture. Parents advice and personal histories are out of date and annoying.
- A preference for being away from family or fixated on social media/phones, etc.
- Moodiness/self-centerdness and self-consciousness.
- Pushing the rules and limits/risk-taking/occasional poor judgment.
- Questioning parental authority
- Experimentation with behaviors, trying new clothing and hair styles.
- Secret languages/words.
- Music tastes, political or religious opinions directed at annoying parents.
Dangerous adolescent behavior signs:
- Sudden loss of interest in peer interactions.
- Repeated acting out and persistent anger.
- Self abuse such as burning or cutting.
- Lengthy periods of despondency and lack of interest in prior activities.
- Movement from current peer group to an unsupervised or marginalized peer group.
- Repeated extreme substance abuse.
- Repeated or indiscriminate sexual acting out.
- A sudden and prolonged drop in academic performance.
While this is certainly not an all encompassing list and each child should be evaluated independently by a professional when there is concern, these general guidelines can provide a helpful starting point if you are considering support for your child. It is also important to remember that although it is normal for a child to test boundaries and pull away from parent authority, it is essential for parents, guardians, and close adults in a child’s life to continue pursuing them, providing appropriate boundaries for them, and being available to provide consistency, love, support, and communication.
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